Cha Cha Cha

Matt and I have been taking dance lessons for a few months now. We are working on Foxtrot, Rumba, Swing, Triple Swing, and Cha Cha. Whenever I tell people that we take dance lessons, they always wonder how I coerced Matt into going with me. And they’re always shocked to find out that it was his suggestion!

Going to our dance classes brings out everything that I love about Matt. The fact that he enjoys dancing with me and holding me close brings out his romantic side. He gets shy about dancing in front of strangers at group classes – but he loves to show off our new moves to friends and family at other events.

We joke a lot in our private lessons (our instructor is a riot) and that brings out his wonderful sense of humor and shows off the dimples that I love show much. When he gets competitive and intense about getting something right I inwardly smile at his desire to do everything perfectly.

And sometimes when we are dancing, and we almost mess up but save it in the end, he gives me a little smile and a wink.

I love our dance classes for many reasons. It’s something fun to do together, and I genuinely love to dance. It’s a place where I am expected to try, try again, and never to be right the first time. And even though I may grumble occasionally about having to get up off the couch to go to a lesson, the classes are something I look forward to all week.

But my very favorite part of dancing is when we leave a class. As we walk out the door of the studio, holding hands and chatting about what we just learned, I always feel my heart melt for the guy who is my dance partner and so much more.

Light at the end of the tunnel

So the big scary project is moving along. A major part of it was completed last week and now it is actually seeming reasonable that we can pull this off and make it a success. It’s a really good feeling.

I also spoke with someone at work who has been kind of an unofficial mentor for me since I started my last position here. She’s a great person to talk to about this stuff because she gives real feedback and suggestions that actually help. I hope that talking to her gave me the jumpstart that I need to turn things around. I don’t want to end up being miserable and hating my job. It’s one thing to have a rough week or two, but quite another to be completely and utterly miserable with the work that you do.

I’m also going to try to stop working so late all the time – at least two nights a week I am going to leave on time. Hopefully eventually I will be able to do that more than two nights a week without it being such a struggle, but for now that is a step in the right direction.

21 days till Christmas

I’m almost done shopping, and in some ways that makes me sad. Normally I hate crowded places and searching for things on sale, but at this time of year there is nothing more exciting to me than that crowded mall.

I’ll cheerfully carry heavy bags for hours before walking the 3 miles to my car. I’ll worm my way through crowds to find the perfect gift and I’ll stand in line until my legs ache. I will search CVS for the perfect stocking stuffers and I’ll make sure my wrapping paper and ribbon are color coordinated.

And I’ll cherish the look on the face of the person who has just received a great gift from me. I’ll know that the time and thought (and yes, the money) was well-spent. I love buying presents for people. Love it.

This year I think Matt will be pretty happy with his haul. I got him some good stuff and it is a nice mix of things that he asked for (always a good safe move) and things that I thought of on my own. Of course, damn him, he’s already figured out what’s in half the boxes under the tree… but I just keep pretending that he’s wrong and hopefully I can still surprise him with some of it.

Sigh… back to work… only 21 days until Christmas fun!

A little better…

Am feeling a little bit better today. I just keep telling myself that I am trying my best.

Last night I woke up like I have been lately, but instead of just staying in bed freaking out I got up and got a drink, walked around a little bit, and then told myself, “Self, you are going back to bed and you are going to go to sleep. No worrying.” And it worked! I felt more refreshed this morning than I have in a while.

I’m trying… I’m really trying. And it’s heartening to know that it is working, even if only the slightest bit.