Monthly Archives: June 2007

Quick! Someone send duct tape.

I know all about the bad things that happen to bloggy people who post things about their jobs. I KNOW. But can I just complain, in the most general of terms, about this certain co-worker of mine? (And, if you ever stumble upon my blog, and think you know me in real life, and think I am complaining about you, just rest assured that I think YOU are a ray of sunshine and light. Yes siree.)

So. Being the corporate drone that I am, I work in a cubicle. I also work in an area that is pretty loud. We all play music (although not loud enough that you can hear it from another desk/cube), we all talk on the phone frequently, we all yell over the cube walls to each other, etc. This doesn’t bother me one bit; in fact, I work better when there is a little bit of background noise. In college, I would always have the TV on when I studied – usually either CNN or infomercials. In general, noise is not a problem for me.

But this one co-worker. Oh. My. God. She makes my ears bleed. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard and a dying cat all rolled into one loud, rude human being. She spends all day on personal calls (the best was when she VERY loudly proclaimed, “I’m a cheap, easy date!”), sucks at her job, and tells anyone who will listen all about her husband, kids, etc in neverending detail.

The other annoying thing is that while the rest of us pretty much work our asses off, she comes in late, leaves early, and takes a 2 hour lunch! No one here is a clock watcher, and people pretty much come and go as they please. People come in early if that works for them, leave if they have a doctor’s appointment, etc. So if she left early once in a while, that would be no big deal. But it’s every day, and that’s a little upsetting when you’re working as hard as the rest of us do.

However, the fact that she leaves early does give a welcome reprieve from her squawking. She has been on the phone ALL. DAY. today and I’m about ready to lose my damn mind. This morning it was the electric company and the babysitter; this afternoon it’s been her husband about 97 million times. And let me tell you – I’m very curious to know her husband is like. He’s either a sadist who ENJOYS this type of treatment or he has balls of steel to put up with her crap. Or maybe he just tunes her out? I’m going with option 3.

Either way, I’ve never wished so hard for the phone system to go down. It’s either that or I head over there to gag her because if this keeps up I cannot be held responsible for what I might do.

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Fall from grace

There are about 3,000 people who work in this office building, so the parking lot is pretty damn big. Because I am a big dork, and also forgetful, I park in the same row in the parking lot every day. If I have to go out at some point in the day, and have to park in a different area when I get back, I will write myself a post-it and stick it to my keys.

I also have a bit of paranoia because there is someone here who has the same exact car as me. Same year, same color, etc. Other than the license plate, there are no other identifiers that can be seen from a distance. So, when I walk up to my car and press the unlock on the remote I always look to make sure that the lights flash, indicating that it unlocked and therefore actually is my very own car.

Last night, as I was leaving, I walked toward my car and observed a man also walking in the same general direction. The car that is the same as mine but not mine was parked in the next row. Of course, I knew that it was not mine because, remember, I park in the same row every day.

Pretty soon it became obvious that the man was headed in a direct line to my car. As he got closer, I was pretty sure that I had finally seen who owned the same as mine but not mine car. My suspicions were confirmed when walked up to my car and pulled on the door handle and then, confused, pressed his unlockly thingie several times before looking up and spotting what was actually his car. He furtively dashed over to his own car while, I’m quite sure, praying madly that no one had seen him.

Of course, this is one of those things that is no big deal when it doesn’t happen to you, but when it does, it haunts you for a long time. Being a natural klutz, I have many such embarrassing memories. I’m sure no witnesses are wondering what happened to the girl who fell down in the middle of the street 5 years ago, but whenever I remember it I cringe.

And so, last night, as I got to my car, I gave silent thanks that for once I was not the one who looked like a complete jackass in public.

Then I promptly tripped over my own damn foot and launched myself directly into the side of my car. Karma’s a bitch, huh.

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I can’t feel my legs… I HAVE NO LEGS!*

Last night I managed to complete, for the very first time, FOUR of my 10 minute kickboxing segments in a row. I did Basic Training, Arms and Shoulders Sculptor, Washboard Abs, and then, finally, I was able to actually complete the Legs segment. For some reason, I can never complete this one. It is really hard for me, and as proud as I am that I was able to complete it, today I can barely walk. Damn squats and plies.

Anyway, the pain in my legs is nothing compared the the vicious migraine that has wrapped its evil little fingers around the depths of my brain today. Hate. Bring on the drugs! Lots of them! Also, can someone please shut the lights off and STOP MAKING SO MUCH DAMN NOISE? Thanks.

(Random aside: To the person who found my blog by searching “how did pirates get scurvy”, it’s because they were on ships for a long time and didn’t get any fresh fruits or vegetables. Therefore, they got a Vitamin C deficiency, which is what scurvy is. But, you shouldn’t take my word for it, because I’m pretty sure your teacher isn’t going to accept my blog as a reference on whatever report it is that you’re writing. You should go to the Pirate Museum in Salem, Mass. Not that I am a big enough dork to have gone there. Um, more than once. No, sir.)

*Bonus points to anyone who knows what movie that’s from. I don’t even really like the movie but I love that line.

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Answer me this

I need your opinion:

I’m desperate for some time off. The last days off that I had were in April, and they were spent entertaining two teenagers. The last days off before that were our fabulous vacation in Stowe – but that was February. So I’m thinking that I might want to take July 5th and 6th off.

The thing is, Matt can’t take those days off. He’ll have the 4th off, but he doesn’t get as much vacation time as me. I technically get 3 weeks a year, plus 3 days of ‘floating holidays’, but my boss follows this policy somewhat, uh, loosely, so I don’t really have to worry about counting how many days I’m taking. So, I could definitely take those days, but then I’d be sitting at home by myself, which sounds glorious in theory, but I’m afraid that what’ll really end up happening is that I’ll spend all day waiting for Matt to get home so that I won’t be bored and lonely.

Also, we’re going to New Jersey for a few days in August because Liz and her fiance will be there. (And, OMG can I tell you how freaking excited I am to see her? I just can’t wait. It’s going to be great and we’re going to have so much fun and damit why isn’t it just August already???) So I’m thinking maybe I should just try to wait until then?

But, that said, it’s not like I have to choose between taking a few days in July and a few in August, and I’m sure I can find something to do with myself. (Read. All day.) Hmmm… what do you think?

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With sincere hopes that we win the lottery, like, any day now.

Guess what we did this weekend?

matts-car-front.jpeg

 matts-car-back.jpeg

matts-car-interior.jpeg

Isn’t it nice though? It’s a 2007 Mazda 3, and he got a sun roof, 6 CD changer, remote starter, and built in Sirius. I think his car might be nicer than mine and that makes me a little jealous. Hmph.

Anyway, we spent most of Saturday car shopping and car purchasing. It took forfreakingever to finish the paperwork, which neither of us appreciated since we had consumed a cup of coffee each and not a morsel more all day. By the time we drove out of the lot in Matt’s brand new car, we were so hungry we had to restrain from chewing on the steering wheel. But also so excited because look at that awesome car!

On Sunday we went out and drove around, enjoying the gorgeous day while trying to decide what to do. We ended up playing mini-golf, where I only lost by 3 and never had to use the “mercy rule” which allows you to stop after 6 strokes. If you knew of my previous scores you would agree that this is pretty damn good. I also apparently managed to miss a few spots while applying sunblock on Sunday morning, as I now have a stripe at the top of my forehead and a glorious red patch on my upper arm. It’s really attractive.

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Self Diagnosis (kind of)

So after reading a little bit more, I’m pretty sure it’s not Scurvy. The reason that I am pretty sure is that it seems that scurvy is on the rise because of low carb diets. Apparently, potatoes are a great source of Vitamin C (Scurvy is just Vitamin C deficiency with a fancy name) and people on low carb diets cut them out, leading to them not getting enough Vitamin C.

Of course, the chances of me ever being on a low carb diet are laughable. The chances of me ever cutting out potatoes (I have stopped eating french fries almost completely, but I love love love mashed and baked) are also ridiculous. I also eat oranges and other citrus things (do margaritas count?) so I think I am safe.

Of course, this means that I still don’t know the cause of the mystery bleeding, but at least I do not have to admit to my mother after all these years that she was right when she said I should eat mah damn vegetables.

***

[Also, it would have been particularly funny if it HAD been scurvy, because not long after Matt and I started dating, we decided to throw a pirate themed party at my apartment. This was before pirates were main stream and cool (ie Jack Sparrow) so we worked really hard to find decorations and costumes (yes, we made everyone dress up) and make grog.

Anyway, after Matt moved in with me we were moving around a bunch of stuff and found the decorations and he asked me if he could decorate this one really small room in our apartment as a pirate room. I jokingly said sure and then went to go take a shower. Needless to say, when I got out of the shower, we had a pirate room. (It was actually our guest room.)  It stayed that way until we moved and I would not let him recreate the pirate room in our new house. But I still think pirates are cool. Yarrrr.]

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Kind of gross, but also funny.

While driving to work this morning, I suddenly realized that my mouth was full of blood. This was awkward because first of all, I was in the car, where it is not terribly convenient to have a mouth full of blood, and second, why the hell was my mouth full of blood?? I hadn’t bitten my tongue or accidentally jammed a fork/toothbrush/carving knife in there, so there was no reasonable explanation. (Also – it didn’t hurt at all.)

So then I remembered that this had also happened a few weeks ago, right after I had taken some migraine medicine. Since I had also taken some this morning, I thought there might be a correlation. Sounds weird, I know – but this medicine has some strange side effects, so not completely unlikely.

But… I just WebMD’ed this, and apparently, one of the options* is Scurvy.

I know. I KNOW I do not eat particularly healthily. But Scurvy? Am I a pirate? If it turns out that I have Scurvy I will NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT from everyone who has told me that my diet is going to result in malnutrition. At this point I am kind of hoping for a root canal**.

*Yes, I know that WebMD is not always terribly accurate, and that Scurvy was one of 14 options it gave me for bleeding in the mouth. It’s still funny.

**Not really, because I would rather die. I’ve never had so much as a filling, I still have my wisdom teeth, and I almost hyperventilate every time I go to the dentist. What I am really hoping is that this is one of those random things that goes away and never happens again.

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