Category Archives: Family

Back

So…. I guess I kind of disappeared for a while there, huh. And during the month when I should have been posting every day! The horror!

I don’t have an entirely excellent reason why I was gone, but assuming that you care, it had something to do with work, and a kind of hugely important thing that got screwed up, and needing to fix it. Luckily, with the application of (a lot of my) time and (a lot of the company’s) money all is well and fixed and fine.

There’s also been some family stuff happening which has been, ahem, rather unpleasant, and so I wasn’t really feeling up to 1) being humorous (Wait – I’m humorous, right? I mean, I don’t want to assume and then have you think that I think I’m funny, when really I’m not funny at all. In my real life, I don’t consider myself to be all that funny, but I think some of the stuff on here is pretty funny. I mean, spaghetti! On a wall! It’s a riot!) and 2) delving into some of my life’s less flattering moments.

So there you have it.

But! But, I did have a lovely Thanksgiving, complete with lots of pie. And my Black Friday shopping endeavors were fairly successful. Don’t worry, I’m not one of those crazies who’s out at the mall at 5am. I rolled out of bed at 6:30, and with a few clicks of the mouse, I had my items and the stores had my dollars, and I was back in bed by 7:15. Success!

Among the items purchased was a GPS, and while I’m sorry to say that this purchase will likely result in a decrease of the number of embarrassing stories I have to tell in the future, I am convinced that it will also be a life-changing purchase. Because, you see, I have no sense of direction, and getting lost really stresses me out. Matt kind of has a sense of direction, but getting lost makes him curse a lot. And I don’t know about the areas that you live in, but around here Mapquest (or Google Maps, or whatever) sucks. Boston (and its surrounding suburbs) is a city made almost entirely of 18th century cow paths that someone decided to pave into roads, and with construction and the Big Dig, this all basically translates to: YOU AIN’T GOIN’ NOWHERE. At least without getting lost. Enter my new beloved GPS, which Santa brought for Matt and I as an early Christmas present.

In other news, do you want to know what else I did this weekend? I organized my closet, and went through all of my clothes, and I tried on all of my old clothes, and you know what? THEY FIT.

I’ve been waiting to talk about this, and while I realize that the week following the Great Pie Consumption of 2007 might not be the best time to do it, I want to talk about weight loss, and the fact that I, personally, have lost it. Weight, that is. The thing is, I know we’re all supposed to be happy with ourselves, and focused on being healthy and not the number on the tag, and media images and unhealthy habits and blah de blah blah blah, but the fact is, I was unhappy. Really, really unhappy. And for once in my life, I up and did something about it.

Sure I whined about it for a while first, as some readers might remember, but then at the end of August I started anew. I had lost about 10 pounds by the time I went to NJ to visit with Liz in mid-October, and as of right now I am only a tiny bit shy (it’s that damn pie) of being 20 pounds lighter than I was at the end of August. Sure, there are things that I still want to work on (Hello, triceps! And you stupid, stupid thighs!) but for the most part I am really happy, and I swear when I put on those old jeans (and I could both zip them AND breathe at the same time) there was the sound of angels singing. Because while I know, I KNOW, that it’s not about the number on the tag, and stores are making their clothes bigger to make women feel better about that stupid number, I don’t care, because SIZE SIX, BITCHES.

Ahem.

Anyway, as good as those jeans made me feel, I honestly do feel even better about being happy with myself, and accomplishing something, even something as trivial as reduction of the size of my ass. (I should get a medal. Or maybe a plaque.)

So now that I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy and small-assed (or you know, smallER-assed), let me go ahead and promise more stories of humiliation. I guess since I missed all those days of NaBloPoMo, I will just post the very best of the remaining stories for the next few days, finishing with the Queen Mother on Friday, or maybe sometime next week, depending on how many stories I have left. (You still want to hear the Queen Mother, don’t you?) Since I kind of kicked the whole theory of NaBloPoMo out the window, I guess it doesn’t matter if I actually tell the final tale on the last day of the month.

Also, wanna know something amazing? Or, rather, someONE? The fabulous Sherry has agreed to do a guest post with her very own embarrassing moment. Sherry is fabulous for many reasons: she likes board games, reading, and ice cream, which I personally think are some very good things to like. Also, her guest post is pretty darn good, so I look forward to sharing it with you.  I will be posting Sherry’s guest post on Thursday, so be sure to check back and see that I am not the only one who manages to do silly things sometimes!

That’s all for today, duckies. It’s good to be back!

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Filed under Family, Holidays, Life in New England, NaBloPoMo 2007, Project Old Pants, Retail Therapy

Honestly

I’ve tried to start this post about a million times. It’s just not working. I don’t know how to start, or what to say, or how much to say. But here goes:

My father sent me an e-mail on Monday, telling me that he had finally gotten around to using the gift card that we got him last Christmas. This sounds pretty normal, like the type of thing a father might send to his daughter, right? Except it’s not. Because I haven’t spoken to my father since March. And as far as a ‘normal’ father/daughter relationship, well we haven’t ever had that.

I made my decision in March not to speak to him anymore, but I didn’t say anything to anyone about it. Mostly because drama is not high up on the list of things that I want in my life. It was my decision, because I am an adult and I have a choice. Because I needed to do this. And the funny thing is, that he didn’t even notice that I wasn’t speaking to him (it’s not like we were in constant communication before this anyway) until recently. The only reason he noticed is because it was pointed out to him by my mother, who figured it out and asked me point-blank, and I told her. And then she choose to tell him, and use it to manipulate a situation to her advantage, and make a big deal, which was exactly what I did not want.

Yes, I realize that it sounds like the type of thing one parent might do to another when they are bitterly divorced, but no – my parents are still married. It is a freakish, love-less, hate-filled marriage, but they are Mr. and Mrs. nonetheless.

This is the second e-mail that he has sent since he figured out that I was avoiding contact. The first one was along the lines of “I’m not sure what I’ve done wrong, blah blah blah”. I would love to tell him. I would love to give him lists, and examples, and oh, I would love to hurt him in exactly the ways that he has hurt me, hurt his family, hurt everyone around him. But I can’t. Something is stopping me from responding.

I look at these two e-mails and I am frozen – caught in knowing that this is an all or nothing situation. Either I respond with the truth and cut him out of my life forever. Or I don’t respond at all and cut him out of my life forever. Or I respond and pretend that everything is OK and that I am over it. What kind of options are those? Not good ones.

The most obvious choice is that if my feelings are that strong, I should cut him out. Gone. Forever. And that really sounds fine to me. Except that he is still married to my mother. Except that my brother still lives with them. And how would that work, logistically speaking? Do I send Christmas gifts to my mother and brother but not to him? What happens when Matt and I get married someday? Do I not invite him? These might seem like minute questions to answer in the grand scheme of things, but these are the things that I wonder about. Because I don’t want to deal with this. I am angry that I am in this situation. I am angry that he is a bad person and yet I am the one feels like I am doing everything wrong.

It’s hard to write about this. Write too matter-of-factly and it will come across like you’re a cold hearted bitch who is taking this lightly. Write too emotionally and it will sound like you’re a drama queen who’s blowing things out of proportion. Add to that the fact that I can’t, and won’t go into more detail about exactly the reasons why I feel this way about my family, and you end up with a very bad blog post. I guess I should feel bad about that, but I don’t. I needed to vent. I needed to be able to write: THIS ISN’T FAIR. I needed to say that I’m hurt, and confused, and very very angry.

You may think that I left out an option when I said that I had three. Another option might be to explain why I feel this way and to work it out. To ask him to change and to apologize and to accept that apology. But let me say – this is not an option. It is not. It is NOT. Some things are unforgivable. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. It is how I feel and it is what I know to be true.

Ignoring this second e-mail as I did the first feels cowardly – but the simple fact is that I don’t know what else to do. In this case, it seems that the only action I can manage is inaction. So I guess that is what I will do.

If you’ve made it this far into the world’s most awful blog post, thank you. I promise to return to our regularly scheduled writing about shoes and reality TV tomorrow.

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Family

Tidbits

I forgot to mention a funny story from last week’s trip to see Wicked. We had parked in a garage near the theater, and like most garages in Boston, this was one where you pay in the lobby before you go to your car. Then before you exit the garage there is a machine that eats your ticket and lets you out. (I think this is pretty common now, right?)

Well we paid and went to my car and and the machine ate the ticket and lifted the bar and then we pulled around the corner to exit the garage… and the gate in front of the exit was going down! It was like something out of 24 and I was half expecting a hijacking except that we weren’t transporting any prisoners or weapons or Jack Bauer so I guess it was just poor timing on the part of whoever puts the gate down to close off that exit.

We sat there for a minute because we didn’t know what to do. There are other exits to the garage, but in order to turn around and go to another exit we would have had to get another ticket and then we would have had no way out at the other exit. I guess we could have gone inside and told the guy to fix our ticket so that we could get back out, but that seemed like a hassle and we kind of assumed that if we sat there for a minute there would be some kind of security camera that would see us and the guy would lift the gate for us.

Eventually we decided that nothing was happening – either there was no security camera or else they didn’t care – and then Matt said, “I see some buttons on the wall over there… I bet they lift the gate!” And so that is how we found ourselves furtively raising the gate, with me quickly pulling the car through to the other side and Matt running under the gate as it closed. Good times.

***

On Saturday we went to a wedding that was held at the NE Aquarium. It was an interesting venue for a wedding, and actually much  better than expected, although we all learned a valuable lesson: if you are going to have your wedding at an aquarium, check first to make sure it will not be during penguin mating season. Because the ceremony was right near the penguin section… and some of the penguins were, ahem, doing it during the wedding vows. I guess the wedding made them feel romantic.

***

Yesterday was a complete waste of time, as I found myself with one of the worst times of migraines… the kind that leaves you sweaty and light sensitive and in a lot of pain and – as Matt would say – vomitado. Very, very vomitado. By yesterday evening I was at the point that even the mere thought of water, crackers or food and drink of any kind sent me reeling for the bathroom. That, my friends, is not a good way to feel – when you know that your body needs SOMETHING, anything in its stomach but you just cannot comply. Argh.

The only good thing about a day like that is that once you can finally eat some glorious, wonderful food again, it is the best thing you’ve ever tasted in your entire life. And your head doesn’t hurt anymore and even though you are still shaky and weak from a day spent puking your guts out, this day will be a fabulous one because you aren’t sick anymore.

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Filed under Family, Migraines Suck, My Sweet Babboo

Of all the things I shouldn’t write about

I think I’ve written before about how it seems like the very things I always want to write about are the things I really shouldn’t. This mostly applies to my job, but this week has brought up a whole ‘nother set of issues.

I’m good at venting. Really good. I could be a world champion venter about things like the stupid guy who cut me off on the way to work, or how I hate it that the people in the caf always charge me the wrong price. But I’m not good at talking about the big stuff. I think Liz was the one who told me once that the only time I’m particularly, noticeably quiet is when something big is wrong.

For ONCE I’d like to stop clamming up and talk about it. But I’m having a hard time with the idea that someday someone could find this site and be hurt by what I write. That seems silly, because I’ve never even told you my first name… but if you knew me this site would have enough information to confirm that it’s me.

So while I won’t go into the details, there’s pretty some pretty awful stuff going on with my family lately. This is nothing new, because let’s just say that there are some very good reasons that I live over 300 miles away and almost never go back there. But as usual it brings a fresh wave of guilt, of anger, of sadness.

It’s always been challenging to talk to people, partly because of my own desire to keep things private and partly because how do you really explain something that you’d have to be a part of to really understand? Also, when your family is like mine, pretending to be normal is something that you do on a daily basis. You go to school and pretend to be normal. You go to friends’ houses and pretend that your family is just like theirs. Very few people see through this facade, and the few that do are too sensitive to call you out on it.

Matt and I were living together before he met my family. I had been to Christmas with his family, met every relative he had, spent a lot of time with them and really got to know them before Matt ever met a single relative of mine. It took me that long to be certain that he loves me for me and would not judge.

And still, it’s hard for me to talk to him about them. It’s hard to trust that he won’t run away screaming – even though that is really unfair to him because he wouldn’t ever do that. I can’t help feeling that because he has such a great family that he can’t ever truly understand. Again, not fair. But that’s the way I feel. It’s hard not to be ever so cautious about our relationship at times, because we are, in a way, a family, and I do not want to build one that even slightly resembles mine.

He’s been great this week, giving me some space when I need it but also letting me talk. I think he somehow knows that when you grow up pretending that everything’s OK, that’s just how things go. It’s what you do. And no matter what the level of trust, it’s hard to break out of that habit.

I’m lucky in so many ways. I have a great job, a house, nice things, and a very secure, loving relationship. I KNOW, deep down, that I will never end up like my family. That I am strong, and intelligent, and dammit, people LIKE me. (Sorry, needed a tiny bit of humor.) But sometimes these little pep talks that I give myself don’t always work. Remember, I am a worrier by nature.

I do feel a little bit better after writing this, so I guess this post served its purpose. Hopefully this weekend will be nice and a good way to be happy and relaxed – fingers crossed!

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Family

Many topics, none of them interesting.

I never know what to say after a weekend. Usually I say something like “this weekend was great” which is dumb because weekends are pretty much always great, what with the not being at work and all that. This weekend was no exception, although it was busier than most since we were both (gasp) social and (double gasp) productive.

On Friday a bunch of people from work went out for drinks. It was fun and a good way to relax after a loooong week. Most of them ended up heading out to another place in Boston, but I went home. That’s one of the bad things about living in the ‘burbs. I am closer to work, but it’s not so convenient to go into the city anymore. I debated going, but it would have meant paying a lot of money for parking, and I also wouldn’t have been able to drink because I didn’t have anyone to drive me home. Not that drinking is everything or key to having fun, but to drive to a bar, pay to park, and then not be able to drink at said bar seemed pretty stupid to me.

Then on Saturday Matt and I took care of some errands, cleaned up around the house, worked out, and then relaxed for a while before heading out to a friend’s birthday party. The party was really fun (remember, beach theme) – especially because I made some tropical punch for all to enjoy and it was Matt’s turn to ensure that we got home safely and soundly. Which meant that I may or may not have played a lot of card games, drank a lot of the punch, and was in a pretty happy place by the time we left.

On Sunday we got up, got ready, and headed to Matt’s parent’s house to celebrate Mother’s Day. We went out to lunch and then went back to their house where we sat outside in lawn chairs for a while just talking and hanging out.

Once we got home we started working on our yard. We have been slow to get started this – I think it has to do with the way Matt and I approach projects. We are both capable of looking at the big picture AND doing the little details when necessary. However, for some reason with this type of project he immediately starts thinking of the big picture (we’ll re-build the patio and create a rock path along the side of the house and ooh, wouldn’t a gazebo be fun) and all I can think about are the details (we need to rake and get grass seed and fertilizer and it all better be really cheap). This seems like a good thing, since we should balance each other out, but really what it means is that we end up stalled, neither of us willing to admit that we think the other one’s plan completely blows.

So yesterday we ventured out to begin some general clean-up in our backyard. Our backyard is pretty much the size of a postage stamp, because although our property goes farther back, it goes into the woods. We have a retaining wall around our yard before the property goes steeply down into woods – this is great for throwing leaves, etc over the fence where they can fertilize the woods. I am nothing if not an environmentalist. Also, too lazy for bagging that shit up.

Soon after we began, we discovered something. While most yards are made of things like plants and grass, ours is comprised of two things: Rocks and Weeds. Where the hell did all those rocks come from? We started ripping out weeds and digging our rocks and quickly came to the realization that this was less of a ‘take away the bad stuff in the yard’ type of project and more of a ‘screw it, we’re better off starting over than trying to salvage this mess’. By the time we finished yesterday, almost half of the yard had been completely ripped up. We’re trying to decide between throwing down grass seed or getting sod, but in either case we’re hoping to give some grass a fighting chance.

And finally, what started as a mild sore throat yesterday morning has morphed into a very painful sore throat complete with a bad cough (I sound like a seal) and a very hoarse/scratchy voice. Sexy. I have no other symptoms other than being damn irritable because in case you didn’t know, seal-like coughing is not conducive to sleep. Fanfreakingtastic.

Good god, this entry is boring. Why do you read this shit? Grass? Coughing? Bo-ring. You must have something better to do.

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Filed under Family, Friends, Holidays, Home Sweet Home

Marathon Monday

Today is Marathon Monday here in Boston, MA, which means that it is probably not a good day for us to be having a Nor’easter… but that’s what we’re having anyway, so for all those people running today, well, it sucks to be them. Matt informed me last night that since it was going to rain he wasn’t going to run the marathon after-all:

Me: Oh? You were planning on running the marathon tomorrow?

Matt: Yeah, I mean, I figured the first 6.2 miles would be easy, but those last 20 would just be a bitch. So I’m going to skip it, I guess. But I might change my mind tomorrow.

Yeah, right.

In case you were wondering, my visit with Brother and Brother’s Girlfriend went very well – especially once I realized that they really like sitting around doing almost nothing (Hey! Must be genetic!) and I didn’t need to entertain them 24 hours a day. We did go to the Museum of Science, which was really fun, and I kicked their asses at Mario Party 6 and Uno. Ah, sweet victory.

They left on Friday afternoon. Well, actually, they almost didn’t because the weird bus driver didn’t want to let them on the bus. Something about reserved tickets (which they had) but apparently the bus driver didn’t think that they did. I straightened it out for them but it was kind of a giant pain in the ass and entirely unnecessary. However, the visit was good and apparently they had a really good time so all is well.

On Saturday Matt and I went to his grandmother’s 85th birthday party. It was held at a hall with a bar and a band so it was really fun. We got to show off our dance moves, which was really fun – although at the end of several hours of dancing I thought my legs and feet were going to fall off! We also got a little surprise when we found out that Matt’s parents have been taking dance lessons. They were really cute about it; just like us they didn’t want to tell anyone right away because they weren’t sure if they were going to be any good. However, we definitely noticed (the dead giveaway was watching Matt’s Dad count out the steps!) and they were really happy when we asked if they’d been taking lessons. Look at what trendsetters we are!

Now I’m back at work and it’s gloomy and I had 247 unread e-mails after only 3 days out of the office (5 if you count the weekend but I don’t because it’s not a work day). There is not enough coffee in all the land to get me through this day… but I’m going to try.

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Filed under Dance Fever, Family, Life in New England

Brother is here!

My brother is here, after a harrowing experience trying to find the bus station. It really could not be more hidden behind a ton of other buildings. But eventually I found them and we made our way back to my house for some relaxing and American Idol viewing.

In good news, the weather is beautiful today. In, um, other news… do you know how hard it is to entertain two teenagers? Good lord. I’ve always questioned my ability to raise children but in this case I’m quite certain as I say that if I ever do have offspring of my own I plan to put them in a deep freeze as soon as I see signs of puberty.

We went to the aquarium this morning, which was fun, and then walked around downtown Boston a bit before the inevitable discussion of what-do-you-want-to-do-now hit. I’ve done all of the tourist stuff, and while I don’t mind doing it again, I didn’t want to drag them along to anything they didn’t want to go to. I am simply along for the ride, here to provide some semblance of adult supervision. (Ha!)  Here is the resulting conversation that took place at 3pm:

Me: So, what do you want to do now?

Brother and Brother’s Girlfriend: Uh… *blank stares*

Me: Do you want to go to the harbor? To see the USS Constitution? Do you want to go the Public Gardens? Do you want to walk around? Do you want to shop? Do you want to go home? Do you want to see a movie? Sit on the couch? Pick your bellybutton lint???

Brother and Brother’s Girlfriend: We don’t know what we want to do.

Me: I guess we’ll just stand here then.

Brother and Brother’s Girlfriend: *Do exactly what I just said.*

Me: Ok. No. I was kidding. Standing here all afternoon is really not an option.

Brother and Brother’s Girlfriend: Uhhhhh….

Finally we decided to go home where the teenagers played video games until Matt got home and rescued me. They’re at the park now playing basketball while I wait for the pizza we ordered to arrive (and revel in the fact that I got out of playing basketball by using the excuse that I had to wait for the pizza to arrive).

Tomorrow we’re going to the Museum of Science. I’m excited but also petrified of the conversation that will take place once we’ve made our way through all that the museum has to offer. Because, so help me, if I get more of the blank stares, putting them in a deep freeze will not be enough.

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Filed under Family, Life in New England