Monthly Archives: April 2007

Furious, Frustrated, and other F words

I don’t even know where to start. This will most likely be incoherent but if I don’t at least attempt to get it out I may explode.

Step 1 in reaching this point was finding out a Big Work Thing at 5:15 on Friday. Without going into too much detail, basically as of the start of work tomorrow my entire job description will have changed. OK, so it’s not as cut and dry as that, but to me it is a Very Big Deal. I don’t like change, and I’m especially resistant to it in this instance. I’m… I don’t know. Angry? Upset that I will have to deal with this change, knowing that it will be difficult and that I need to remain professional about it. I am not looking forward to the next few weeks. I REALLY wish that I could write more about it, but I can’t, so you are going to have to trust me on all of this and know that I am hurting over it.

Next step was, ok, fine – me being a stupid girl. I’ll own up to it. On Friday after I found out about the Big Work Thing, I went out with 2 work friends for a drink. I couldn’t talk about the Big Work Thing (because it won’t be announced until Monday) but damn did I need that drink. I called Matt on my way there to let him know that I wouldn’t be home for a while and told him, very briefly, about the Big Work Thing. He knew how upset I was – I was crying on the phone and he KNOWS how big of a deal this is to me, how important my job is to me, etc. But when I got home, still upset, still practically crying the whole night, did he ask if I wanted to talk about it? No. Because a goddamn baseball game was on, and hey, what could be more important than that?

Now, I know that he is not a mind reader, and I should have just told him to turn off the TV and talk to me – and that is just me being a stupid girl. But I really felt like he could have shown some sensitivity. I am not typically a needy emotional girlfriend. It’s pretty obvious when I’m upset and need him to be there for me. And I can’t help feeling like he let me down. I’ll get over it… but I was – and still am – pretty hurt.

Fast forward to today. This is the final straw. I’m pissed. How fucking hard is it to clean up? Why is it always so difficult to keep the house clean? I know that we are both busy during the week, and neither of us is great at keeping things clean after we get home. But on the weekends, I like things to be neat. So when you tell me that you cleaned the kitchen and the living room, is it unreasonable for me to expect that I will not go find 1) coats on the couch, 2) shopping bags on the living room floor, 3) two pairs of shoes in the middle of the entryway, and 4) A CAKE FROM EASTER STILL ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE.

Ever see the Everybody Loves Raymond episode with the luggage? And the smelly cheese? This what that damn cake has been like to me. It has been there since Easter. We have not touched it since Easter. And yet it is still there. Because I wanted to see how long it would sit there. I finally threw it away a few minutes ago. I caved because I could not take it anymore.

It’s pathetic because I don’t even think he knows we’ve been having this one-sided cake stand-off. IT JUST DRIVES ME CRAZY. If I say something, I’m nagging, and why didn’t I just throw it away if it drives me crazy, and why do I always yell at him instead of appreciating the things he does. If I don’t say something, I get even more pissed. I know that he is not doing it on purpose – he just doesn’t see it. It just doesn’t occur to him to throw out the cake, or hang up the coats, or move his shoes. What gets me is that I can’t say something without making it a complete lose-lose situation.

He’d kill me if he ever knew I wrote this. And I do feel the need to backtrack and say that he is a great guy and generally really supportive and caring and wonderful. If a cake making its way to the trash is the biggest problem that we have in our relationship then I’m willing to live with that. I’m just upset right now. I need to go talk to him but I can’t do it without exploding. So I need to wait, and hopefully simmer myself down by writing this post. And I do know enough to recognize that a large part of my emotional timebomb is coming from the Big Work Thing. I’ve been a wreck all weekend waiting for Monday and the rollercoaster that will come with it.

Is 2:00 on a Sunday an inapprorpriate time to start drinking?

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Ode to the IT Department

You fixed my laptop when its screen turned blue

Which is great ‘cause I have work to do

You recovered my files ‘round the clock

And that is why I say IT rocks 

When I called you AGAIN to make the projector work

You easily hid you desire to curse

You got my presentation off to a good start

And that is why you have a warm place in my heart

As you can see from my tale of love and devotion, my laptop is back in working order. Which is helpful but does not make me any less busy. Projects! Need! To! Be! Finished! Now! Right! Now!

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Blue Screen of Death

Yes. That’s right. On my work laptop. The very same laptop on which I have ALL of my files stored (backed up, but on my “personal server” which I can’t access from anywhere else without help from the IT dept) and the very same laptop on which I need to do countless work projects. To say that I am a bit of an anxious mess would be an understatement.

I am attempting to do stuff on my home computer – a Mac desktop which has never even HEARD of a blue screen of death and would never dare to so much as threaten one – but since I can’t access my files I am pretty much stuck. The obvious answer is to throw up my hands and say that there’s nothing I can do. That I can’t control the circumstances and that people will just have to understand. Oh, if only it were that easy. Because I’m pretty sure that no one has heard of ‘slack’ and certainly not of ‘cutting me any’.

Really, it’s sad to be that negative but I am feeling an overwhelming amount of pressure right now due to several projects that all must be done NOW RIGHT NOW. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that Mr. Laptop will be back in his rightful cube tomorrow where I will tell him how much he is loved and appreciated now could he please do his damn job so his owner doesn’t have a damn heart attack?

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Sometimes I want to wring his neck, but I love him anyway.

The scene: I come home from work and trip over Matt’s shoes as I walk in the door. A few minutes later, I trip over another pair of shoes in the kitchen. Then I walk downstairs and, yes, you guessed, TRIP OVER ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES. Mind you, I’m pretty sure that he only owns three pairs of shoes.

Me: Why don’t you ever pick up your damn shoes?

Matt: Huh?

Me: I just tripped over three pairs of shoes on my way downstairs.

Matt: No you didn’t.

Me: Yes, I did. I ALWAYS trip over your shoes because they are always in the way. Every single day when I come home I find your shoes in the way.

Matt: Well. I think you should be glad that I’m so dependable.

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Battle Scars

Well.

As the weather gets nicer, it can only mean one thing:

It’s time for me to develop what I call my ‘sandal calluses’.

Of course, in order for these to form, I have to endure the most awful blisters you’ve ever seen in your life. Because apparently I have the most paper-thin foot skin of any human being on the planet. Seriously. I have had these sandals for THREE. YEARS. I wear them dancing. I wear them while walking around the mall, or the park, or basically anywhere. But at the start of every season (it happens when I go back to winter shoes, too) I get blisters from them.

And new shoes? Don’t even get me started on new shoes. I have been known to get blisters after walking half a damn block.

Now before you start with me, know this: I do wear the correct size shoes. I don’t wear 4 inch stillettos. After a few wearings, my shoes are perfectly comfortable and I won’t get blisters anymore. Also, if you get blisters like I do? You need to buy these. Totally worth the wallet-gouging price.

Clearly this proves my theory that I am a delicate precious flower who deserves to have her every whim catered to.

Right?

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Books and Baseball and Pedicures, Oh My!

What a great weekend. The weather was so beautiful and it was so hard to come back to work today knowing that it was going to be in the 80’s while I was trapped at my desk.

On Saturday, Matt and I went for a long walk through our neighborhood. We stopped at some yard sales to admire our neighbors’ junk and had a good time just walking and talking. Then we went home and cleaned up a little bit and outlined a plan to wrangle our yard into something resembling, well, a yard – rather than what it is now, which I would characterize as part swamp, part jungle. Yikes.

Finally I sat down and started reading this book. I was a little nervous about it because I’d heard so much hype that I felt like I was sure to be disappointed. Well, as I sat on the couch crying several hours and 536 pages later, I can say with certainty that this is one of my new favorite books. I very rarely cry from reading books – I can’t even think of the last one that made me cry. The Time Traveler’s Wife is that good. I was torn between wanting to devour it so that I could know what happens and not wanting it to end because I couldn’t bear for it to be over. If you have not read this book – go read it. If you have, how did you let me wait so long to read it?

We also watched a lot of baseball this weekend, since the Yankees were in town and Matt needed to cheer on his team to kick their buts. The Red Sox came through and we now have bragging rights (which reminds me that I need to send a victory e-mail to my brother, who is sure to be sulking over his precious team’s loss). I actually enjoy watching baseball since I know a bit about it and I know most of the players. Also, it doesn’t require my complete attention so I can do other things like give myself a pedicure while I watch.

I want to go search around for more good books to read. I’m almost through with all of the books that Matt got me for Christmas (he thought that they would last until at least July, but he sadly underestimated my reading prowess) and I have a Borders gift card burning a hole in my wallet. I’m tempted to go back and attempt some of the classics that I’ve never gotten around to, but I also want to look for new(er) books that might be interesting.

Now I have to go ponder ways to 1) convince my office to let me move my desk outside and/or 2) figure out a way to become a professional reader!

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Come and play!

Today shall officially be known as the day that memes ate my blog. Which is really quite OK with me, since I love memes. They remind me of the many hours I spent in college taking those online quiz thingies with my friends. It is because of those many hours that I can now tell you what color my aura is, what flower I would be, and how loyal a friend I am. Clearly, these are valuable things to know.

So, here are a few memes and other silly things that have been sent my way lately. Enjoy, and please feel free to play along, because while I really don’t need any help in fueling this addiction, I will certainly take any excuse to procrastinate a little longer.

Game #1 – Update to yesterday’s question

So -R- answered my question about the 5 things you would/wouldn’t choose to spend your money on, and one of her commenters suggested that we should also include the 5 “things you’re willing to spend a lot of money on even in your current financial condition”. Here are mine:

  1. Books. I do love the library and borrowing books, but I also really like to own them. I love having bookshelves full of them and I do go back and re-read most of them at some point.
  2. Lawn service. We have someone come to cut our grass, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. For one thing, we don’t really have a good place to store a lawn mower. Also, since we live in a duplex, we should split the responsibility with our neighbors, since it’s not really fair if we do all of it. However, our neighbors suck and I wouldn’t trust them to mow the lawn when they were supposed to, since they can’t even keep their damn cars off of it.
  3. Dance lessons. We spend a hell of a lot of money on this, but I would rather cut back on almost anything else than give it up.
  4. TiVo. It’s not that expensive, but I still feel like it falls into the luxury category. I really couldn’t give it up though. I would rather have basic cable and a TiVo (which we probably will have in a few months once our special deal is up) than better cable and no TiVo.
  5. Dinners out. We’ve cut down on how much we go out to eat, but we go out fairly often. It’s not like we’re getting 4 course meals – what are the chances we’d actually eat something like that – but we do get drinks and wine and sometimes dessert. Definitely more expensive than making dinner at home (because really, how expensive is frozen pizza) but really worth it because it’s fun and I get to eat something that Matt won’t and that I don’t know how to make.

Game #2 – Interview

This one was offered up by Janssen. She picked 5 questions for me to answer, and gave the following instructions in case you want to play:

Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are her questions and my responses:

1) If you could go on a date with any superhero, who would it be?

Wolverine. I’m bad at these because I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV as a kid so cartoons and comics weren’t really my thing – all my knowledge of these characters comes from the more recent movies that have come out. That said, I do love those movies and I want to be a superhero, and if the Wolverine I get to go on a date with looks anything like Hugh Jackman, I’m in.

Ooh! Wait! Do you consider the characters on Heroes to be superheroes? I think this question refers to the more classic superheroes, but I would really like to go on a date with Peter Petrelli.
2) Night owl or early bird?

Uhhh… neither? Either? I can be either one, I guess. I can’t be both. Currently, I wake up at 7 on weekdays and around 8 on weekends, and I fall asleep around 11. I think I’m really at my best around 10am-2pm, but maybe that’s just true of everyone? I don’t seem to hit any morning/afternoon slumps, unless I’m really tired. And I am truly incapable of napping. I used to have to be at work by 6am so I guess I was a morning person then, and in college I stayed up till all hours, so that’s why I say I can be either one.
3) What book could you read over and over again, and why?

Anne of Green Gables. I know that’s more than one, since there are 8 in the series, but I could read them all.

I’ve also read Issac Asimov’s Foundation series many times, and I will probably read it many more.
4) If you had to get rid of one room in the house, which one would it be?

Probably the dining room. We don’t really eat in it much, so while it’s nice to have it for when we have company, it’s really not a necessity.
5) PC or Mac? 

Mac. I’ve always been a Mac person. Even though I use a PC at work, I have a Mac at home and I will always prefer them.

Game #3 – Movie Soundtrack:

This one was left by Jen, who I can’t seem to link to because I can’t seem to find her site anywhere… did you eat it, WordPress? Bad WordPress! Anyway, I’ll use the iTunes on my laptop because my iPod is at home, but I guess that’s the same thing.

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be? 
1. Turn on your iPod
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

OPENING CREDITS: Elevation by U2
WAKING UP: Fly Away From Here by Aerosmith
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: American Woman by The Guess Who
FALLING IN LOVE: Save the Last Dance for Me by Michael Buble [This is perfect because Matt and I frequently dance to it!]
FIGHT SONG: The Chipmunks Song (Christmas Don’t be Late) by The Chipmunks [HA! This is awesome!]
BREAKING UP: Yours by Blues Traveler
PROM: Soulshine by The Allman Brothers Band
LIFE: Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra
MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Peace on Earth by U2
DRIVING: Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty [Another perfect one.]
FLASHBACK: Rebecca by The Pat McGee Band
WEDDING: Can’t Buy Me Love by Michael Buble
BIRTH OF CHILD: Dominic the Donkey by Abstract Ensemble [HA HA HA HA HA.  Have you heard this song? I got it on iTunes because Matt didn’t know what it was and I HAD to have it on my X-mas CD. HA HA HA HA!]
FINAL BATTLE: Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys
DEATH SCENE: Into the Great Wide Open by Tom Petty
FUNERAL SONG: Just Feel Better by Santana f. Steven Tyler
END CREDITS: Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of by U2

Full Disclosure: I have a ton of stand-up comedy on my iTunes, so I did skip past that so that I was only listing music here.

Well! Amazing how much blogging I can do when stuck on a 2 hour conference call!

Now it is your turn. Tell me how you spend your money. Ask to be interviewed. Create a soundtrack. Because it’s Friday and it’s time for some fun and games!

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