No really, thank you. It wasn’t easy for me to put all of that out there so I finally settled for just typing whatever came to mind as fast as I could and then I hit publish without even giving it a second read. I think I really needed to do that. And your comments really made me feel better about the whole thing – like hell yeah, it’s not me. This isn’t my fault. Sometimes I need a little reminder of that.
I’d like to say that deleting the e-mail (yes, I did – it’s gone) made it all better. I think what I am realizing is… willing something doesn’t always make it so. Wanting desperately to put things behind you doesn’t always just instantly make it happen. I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise, because if pure will could make things happen, then my ass would be smaller, my bank account bigger, and potato chips would have no calories.
As far as what to do next – I don’t know yet. Several of you suggested that talking to someone (and by someone I mean a professional) might help. I don’t necessarily disagree, but I’m not sure that’s a step that I’m willing to take yet. I’ll continue to think about it though. I know that there’s no shame in asking for help if you need it – I just don’t know about my own comfort level in dragging up all the details right now. So we’ll see.
What I do know is that I will continue to talk about it with Matt, have long phone calls and send long e-mails to Liz, and probably write about things right here as well. It’s a far cry from flying Fed Ex men and cooking woes, but I have a feeling that you’ll be there to read anyway. I can’t do something ridiculous every day, after all.
Hope you have a great weekend everyone! We’ll be getting some torrential rains as a result of the remnants of Hurricane Hanna moving up the east coast. I’ll take the torrential rains any day over the actual hurricane. Plus, it gives me a good excuse to hunker down with some Netflix and some books and show my abilities in the art of sloth.