Category Archives: Retail Therapy

A rare Saturday post

I’m not normally known for weekend posting, but since I find myself sitting here surrounded by three (3) computers that are constantly refreshing with the solitary goal of purchasing some Red Sox tickets as a Christmas gift for Matt, who better get me something good AND PREFERABLY SPARKLY to make up for this bullshit.

I’ll just go ahead and admit that I am in one hell of a craptastic mood this fine morning, and if you’re not interested in some mindless bitching and whining (some of it about bodily functions), you probably want to skip this entry.

Somehow my body has decided that weekends! Weekends are the perfect time for head-pounding migraines! Which sucks, because I really, REALLY value my weekends, and would prefer not to be spending a good portion of them wishing for someone to put me out of my misery.

And that is why I have been awake since approximately 3am. Which doesn’t make a person happy, in case you were wondering.

Oh! To add to this fun, my body has also decided that no migraine is complete without a side order of crippling nausea. So yeah, there’s also been that since about 3am, and let me just state once and for all that when you are throwing up your anti-nausea medicine? That is just WRONG. Not fair, body.

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you about talk of bodily functions.) You know how the worst part of throwing up is when you are throwing up but there is nothing in your stomach to actually go… up, usually because you’ve already thrown up about 87 times? Am I the only one who goes into the kitchen looking for something to eat that will be the least awful thing to throw up later, because I can’t stand the thought of throwing up nothing again? Or is this just a sign that I am a Champion Vomiter, a title that I would really rather not hold?

(And trust me, I really would rather not be a Champion Vomiter. There is nothing forced or bullemia-ish about this – I just have a weak stomach and nausea is a known side effect of migraines.)

So anyway, that is how I find myself sitting here, waiting for the three (3) computers to refresh and hopefully let me purchase some Red Sox tickets, while eating Saltines and hoping like hell that they stay down already, so that I can take some medicine and be done with this. Welcome to the weekend. Boo hoo.



Filed under Migraines Suck, Retail Therapy


So…. I guess I kind of disappeared for a while there, huh. And during the month when I should have been posting every day! The horror!

I don’t have an entirely excellent reason why I was gone, but assuming that you care, it had something to do with work, and a kind of hugely important thing that got screwed up, and needing to fix it. Luckily, with the application of (a lot of my) time and (a lot of the company’s) money all is well and fixed and fine.

There’s also been some family stuff happening which has been, ahem, rather unpleasant, and so I wasn’t really feeling up to 1) being humorous (Wait – I’m humorous, right? I mean, I don’t want to assume and then have you think that I think I’m funny, when really I’m not funny at all. In my real life, I don’t consider myself to be all that funny, but I think some of the stuff on here is pretty funny. I mean, spaghetti! On a wall! It’s a riot!) and 2) delving into some of my life’s less flattering moments.

So there you have it.

But! But, I did have a lovely Thanksgiving, complete with lots of pie. And my Black Friday shopping endeavors were fairly successful. Don’t worry, I’m not one of those crazies who’s out at the mall at 5am. I rolled out of bed at 6:30, and with a few clicks of the mouse, I had my items and the stores had my dollars, and I was back in bed by 7:15. Success!

Among the items purchased was a GPS, and while I’m sorry to say that this purchase will likely result in a decrease of the number of embarrassing stories I have to tell in the future, I am convinced that it will also be a life-changing purchase. Because, you see, I have no sense of direction, and getting lost really stresses me out. Matt kind of has a sense of direction, but getting lost makes him curse a lot. And I don’t know about the areas that you live in, but around here Mapquest (or Google Maps, or whatever) sucks. Boston (and its surrounding suburbs) is a city made almost entirely of 18th century cow paths that someone decided to pave into roads, and with construction and the Big Dig, this all basically translates to: YOU AIN’T GOIN’ NOWHERE. At least without getting lost. Enter my new beloved GPS, which Santa brought for Matt and I as an early Christmas present.

In other news, do you want to know what else I did this weekend? I organized my closet, and went through all of my clothes, and I tried on all of my old clothes, and you know what? THEY FIT.

I’ve been waiting to talk about this, and while I realize that the week following the Great Pie Consumption of 2007 might not be the best time to do it, I want to talk about weight loss, and the fact that I, personally, have lost it. Weight, that is. The thing is, I know we’re all supposed to be happy with ourselves, and focused on being healthy and not the number on the tag, and media images and unhealthy habits and blah de blah blah blah, but the fact is, I was unhappy. Really, really unhappy. And for once in my life, I up and did something about it.

Sure I whined about it for a while first, as some readers might remember, but then at the end of August I started anew. I had lost about 10 pounds by the time I went to NJ to visit with Liz in mid-October, and as of right now I am only a tiny bit shy (it’s that damn pie) of being 20 pounds lighter than I was at the end of August. Sure, there are things that I still want to work on (Hello, triceps! And you stupid, stupid thighs!) but for the most part I am really happy, and I swear when I put on those old jeans (and I could both zip them AND breathe at the same time) there was the sound of angels singing. Because while I know, I KNOW, that it’s not about the number on the tag, and stores are making their clothes bigger to make women feel better about that stupid number, I don’t care, because SIZE SIX, BITCHES.


Anyway, as good as those jeans made me feel, I honestly do feel even better about being happy with myself, and accomplishing something, even something as trivial as reduction of the size of my ass. (I should get a medal. Or maybe a plaque.)

So now that I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy and small-assed (or you know, smallER-assed), let me go ahead and promise more stories of humiliation. I guess since I missed all those days of NaBloPoMo, I will just post the very best of the remaining stories for the next few days, finishing with the Queen Mother on Friday, or maybe sometime next week, depending on how many stories I have left. (You still want to hear the Queen Mother, don’t you?) Since I kind of kicked the whole theory of NaBloPoMo out the window, I guess it doesn’t matter if I actually tell the final tale on the last day of the month.

Also, wanna know something amazing? Or, rather, someONE? The fabulous Sherry has agreed to do a guest post with her very own embarrassing moment. Sherry is fabulous for many reasons: she likes board games, reading, and ice cream, which I personally think are some very good things to like. Also, her guest post is pretty darn good, so I look forward to sharing it with you.  I will be posting Sherry’s guest post on Thursday, so be sure to check back and see that I am not the only one who manages to do silly things sometimes!

That’s all for today, duckies. It’s good to be back!


Filed under Family, Holidays, Life in New England, NaBloPoMo 2007, Project Old Pants, Retail Therapy

Levity (updated)

Matt is joining a recreational hockey league – he played in high school so he has most of the equipment that he needs, but there were a few things that he needed to get so he stopped at a store on his way home last night.

Matt: So I got a mouth-guard, and some tape, and new blade covers for my skates.

Me: That’s good.

Matt: Oh yeah, and I had to get a new cup, too.

Me: He. He he he he.

Matt: It’s not funny. It’s very important, you know.

Me: Ha ha ha

Matt: Well, it was actually a little funny when I had to ask the guy in the store to help me find them, and I was standing right in front of them. But I didn’t recognize them, because they’re different now than when I was in high school.

Me: ??? Different???

Matt: Yes, apparently there have been some major advances in jock strap technology in the last few years.


Matt: What is so funny?

Me: I’m just picturing some guy receiving an award at his company meeting for “major advances in jock strap technology.” It sounds like a Nobel prize or something.

Matt: You are so weird.


Updated to add: What should you do when your week has been total crap? You should buy these, obviously. Shut up. They were on sale plus I had a coupon. Shut up. I’ve been wanting them for weeks. Just shut up, OK?


Filed under My Sweet Babboo, Retail Therapy

Please to be making a suggestion for me now.

Do you know how long it takes broken toes to heal? A really freaking long time. Did you know that until said toes are healed, you will spend many hours sitting on your couch with your (gimpy) boyfriend, wondering why you don’t have more friends with fully functioning phalanges?

As you might have guessed, this weekend wasn’t terribly exciting. I felt a vague sense of cabin fever setting in, which luckily was remedied when I took myself shopping on Sunday afternoon. I’m not usually a big fan of department stores or stores with tons and tons of racks and people and hello, claustrophobia, but with a limited budget and a desperate need for some pants that would just FIT ALREADY, I took myself to TJ Maxx and steeled myself to be completely overwhelmed.

(The need for new pants arises from the fact that all of my old ones are too big. Which – YAY! But also, crap, because I have no money for buying new pants. That’s where TJ Maxx, home of the cheap yet also presentable clothing comes in.)

(I am not kidding when I say that I am terrified of department stores. There are just SO MANY THINGS. Also, since there are so many brands you have to lug three different sizes of everything to the dressing room, since you never know which size is going to fit. I had to give myself a little pep talk before going in. Luckily, the TJ Maxx in my area is large, and – as stores of that variety go – not too dungeon-like.)

It took me a ridiculously long time to find some presentable pants. I think I was in that store for over 3 hours. And I made at least 7 trips to the dressing room. But finally, I made my way home with 4 new pairs of nice looking work pants and without too large a dent in my wallet.

(OK, so I also bought two pairs of shoes. But they were less than 20 bucks per pair so really, CAN YOU BLAME ME? I have a weakness, I know. There should really be a 12 step program.)

Anyway, enough about that. What I also realized this weekend is that we are quickly approaching the month of October, and do you know what happens in October? Only the BEST HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR!!!

I know, I know, Halloween is for kids… but that has not stopped Matt and I from getting some really awesome costumes for the last few years. We won first place in the costume party at one party we went to last year, but were totally gipped at Matt’s family’s party. (Seriously, the fact that they throw a huge Halloween party every year is not the only reason I love them, but it is very high up there on the list.)

The problem is that we cannot agree on what to be this year. This is where you come in, with your wisdom and suggestions and pretty hair. (If I flatter you, you’ll help me, right?) Here are our requirements:

  • Needs to be some kind of theme that will work for a couple.
  • Needs to be manly enough that he will agree to wear it. (He is a really good sport and loves Halloween as much as I do… but he will still not wear any costume requiring him to wear tights. He will especially like any costume that allows him to carry a (fake) weapon.)
  • Needs to be girly enough that I will like it. (It doesn’t need to be uber-girly… but I am not interested in dressing up as a barnyard animal, for instance.)

What do you think? The past few years we have been a Gunslinger and a Saloon Girl, a Mobster and a Flapper, and Pirates. My suggestions this year (Cinderella and Prince Charming; Elvis and Marilyn) have been met with complete disdain on his part. But I can’t exactly say I loved his suggestions either (Ketchup and Mustard was the worse one).

What ideas do you have??


Filed under Holidays, My Sweet Babboo, Retail Therapy

Because I think it is important to have goals in life.

Goals for this glorious Labor Day weekend:

  1. Finish reading Wicked, because my self-imposed limit of 50 pages per day was shot to hell yesterday when I just couldn’t stop reading. I only have a little bit left to read and I need to know what happens.
  2. Get home before Matt tonight so he won’t be the one to haul inside the box of shoes that I ordered online the other night. Then, put them in with existing shoes in the hopes that he will not notice that there are new pairs in the mix. Have you met my new friend Endless yet? He is cheap and easy, which are good qualities to find in a website.
  3. Figure out how to survive on 2 granny smith apples, mustard, coke zero, and a few slices of (moldy) cheddar cheese, because those are the only things in our refrigerator and I hate grocery shopping. Plus, the deal is that usually I will do the grocery shopping if Matt will bring everything inside and put most of it away. I suppose it would be mean of me to make him do that when he can barely even walk (the toes, alas, are still broken and still painful).
  4. Convince Matt that he would love nothing more than to see The Nanny Diaries with me. This also involves convincing him that it’s not a chick flick.
  5. Get my Wii age down to a more respectable number. (At least it’s down from where it was when I started, which was seventy-freaking-nine.)

Have a great 3-day weekend!

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Filed under Holidays, My Sweet Babboo, Retail Therapy