I felt much better after I walked into the salon last night and received a knowing nod from the new (and much improved!) stylist. I could tell that she was trying to be professional (and I use that term loosely since we also had a lengthy conversation about margaritas while she was fixing my ‘do) regarding trashing the other stylist, but it was pretty clear that I am not crazy and things were really just bad. But much better now.
I’m sick again. I rarely get illnesses of the congested variety, and when I do they don’t last all that long so I’m usually able to deal with it. But let me just say this: Breathing through one’s nose is one of those things that doesn’t seem important until it isn’t an option anymore. I frequently use the term ‘mouth-breather’ (along with ‘knuckle-dragger’, ‘goon’, and several other even less kindly terms) to describe this particularly doltish man at work but I suppose I will have to stop lest people think that I am talking about myself.
And, honestly, I know I’m not the first person to get the common cold, but it sure does make the act of eating rather difficult. Hmm, would I like to chew? Or would I like fresh oxygen to circulate through my blood? Or would I like my lunch companions to watch me attempt to have my cake (or applesauce, whatever) and eat it (breathe) too, only to have it all go horribly wrong and end with a coughing fit the likes of which our cafeteria has never seen?
I don’t usually care to make my political preferences known, and I won’t in this case either (other than to say that there is one particular candidate in the mix right now who simply makes my skin crawl, and I honestly think I might campaign AGAINST this person, or at least spend my mental energy hoping that enough people are not stupid enough to vote for this candidate that he or she gets into office) but this just cracks me up.
I’ve seen it linked in a few places, and I can’t remember where first. I’m probably late to the party on it, as these things tend to be found first by people who are way cooler than I am. I spent more time than I’d like to admit today coming up with these witticisms with my co-worker friend. I highly recommend replacing ‘Hillary’ with various celebrities, office executives, and friends – the results are entertaining to a high degree. My favorite, regarding a woman who frequently wears this blazer that looks normal from the front, but has a giant, hideous sequined flower on the back, was: [Woman] is mullet: business in the front, party in the back.
Oh, fine. Maybe you just had to be there.