On the phone with Matt, after coming home early from work yesterday:
Me: I’m heading out to run some errands, so I don’t know if I’ll be home when you get home.
Me: So when you get home, can you put down some more salt or sand or something on the driveway and walkway?
Matt: Is it still an ice rink?
Me: Umm, yeah, and I ate it twice when I first got home. Once when I went to the trunk of my car to get my laptop bag and once when I tried to get the mail. And the neighbors totally saw me, and it wasn’t pretty, and if you laugh at me you are sleeping on the couch.
Matt: Are you OK?
Me: I guess so but I can feel the bruises forming already. I think I’m going to have one the size of China on my left ass cheek.
Me: I hope you’re comfy on the couch.
Later, we are getting ready for bed. I am changing into some comfy PJ’s, then:
Matt: Holy crap, what IS that?
Me: What?! Where?
Matt: You… Your… THAT IS THE BIGGEST BRUISE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
Me: I TOLD you so. And there’s more; look at my leg. And my arm. And my knee.
Matt: Yes, but the one on your ass is clearly the most impressive. Although, it’s not shaped like China. It definitely looks more like Florida.
Me: Really? I can’t see it very well.
Matt: It is shaped exactly like Florida. A big blue Florida, right on your ass.
Me: Hmmm. And I always thought Florida was a red state.