Cheeky

On the phone with Matt, after coming home early from work yesterday:

Me: I’m heading out to run some errands, so I don’t know if I’ll be home when you get home.

Matt: OK.

Me: So when you get home, can you put down some more salt or sand or something on the driveway and walkway?

Matt: Is it still an ice rink?

Me: Umm, yeah, and I ate it twice when I first got home. Once when I went to the trunk of my car to get my laptop bag and once when I tried to get the mail. And the neighbors totally saw me, and it wasn’t pretty, and if you laugh at me you are sleeping on the couch.

Matt: Are you OK?

Me: I guess so but I can feel the bruises forming already. I think I’m going to have one the size of China on my left ass cheek.

Matt: HAHAHA

Me: I hope you’re comfy on the couch.

***

Later, we are getting ready for bed. I am changing into some comfy PJ’s, then:

Matt: Holy crap, what IS that?

Me: What?! Where?

Matt: You… Your… THAT IS THE BIGGEST BRUISE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

Me: I TOLD you so. And there’s more; look at my leg. And my arm. And my knee.

Matt: Yes, but the one on your ass is clearly the most impressive. Although, it’s not shaped like China. It definitely looks more like Florida.

Me: Really? I can’t see it very well.

Matt: It is shaped exactly like Florida. A big blue Florida, right on your ass.

Me: Hmmm. And I always thought Florida was a red state.

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6 Comments

Filed under Home Sweet Home, Life in New England, My Sweet Babboo

6 responses to “Cheeky

  1. Sarah

    I’m so sorry you’re bruised, but my god that’s an awesome story!

  2. I guess I’m lucky…I don’t get many geographically interesting bruises. I do, however, occasionally get zits that deserve their own zip code.

  3. I don’t live with Alan and cannot therefore force him to sleep on the couch, but I did punch him for laughing at me when I fell down on the ice on Monday. Neither of us got a bruise though. I caught myself on my hands and he had a puffy coat on.

  4. -R-

    Ha! I love this from the title all the way to the last line. I almost said I love this until the end but didn’t want to get into butt-related puns.

  5. Ha! I mean, Ouch! (Frankly, both apply.)

  6. Pingback: Ski Bunny: A beginner’s guide. «

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