How not to prepare for a trip: A step-by-step guide.

  1. Plan to leave for your trip directly from work. Plan to leave on a day that you have a semi-important presentation to make.
  2. Write the deck for the presentation (You like how I just threw in some corporate-speak there, don’t you. Deck= PowerPoint presentation= bane of my existence) approximately 5 minutes before you are supposed to leave the night before the presentation. Sent it to your boss with a note that reads something like: “Hope this is OK. If it’s not OK, it’s probably too late. Oh, and I made up those numbers on the last page.”
  3. Go to the first meeting of your book club and lament that not very many people showed up. Then rejoice because the ones that did show up are the cool ones, the ones that you can gossip about the other work people with.
  4. Drink margaritas and eat Mexican food. Talk about the book, decide that the next book will be Lolita, and then gossip about work.
  5. Get home at 9:30 to piles of laundry.
  6. Do laundry – lots and lots of laundry.
  7. Finally crawl into bed.
  8. Wake up at an ungodly hour. Throw the contents of one laundry basket into suitcase. Realize that this may not be the best approach and attempt to sort out the mess. Give up and accept the fact that you have no idea what you actually packed. You may have 15 shirts and no pants. In fact, that is extremely likely. Also, you are just now realizing that you did remember to pack work-out clothes and sneakers but you did not bring any socks. Luckily Liz is a gracious host who will let you borrow some socks. (Right Liz?)
  9. Scramble to make house look like it was not hit by a combination of earthquake, tornado, and bomb. Fail miserably and settle for just making sure that nothing will rot in the fridge.
  10. Late! You are late! Must hurry!
  11. Rush outside with suitcase, purse, jacket, etc – throw everything in trunk of car. Catch a glimpse of your reflection in the side of the car and run back inside the house because, eek! Very obvious underwear lines! How did you not notice this earlier?
  12. Get to work approximately 4 minutes before your presentation is due to start. Check e-mail quickly… and realize that the presentation has been moved to the afternoon. Curse loudly, then realize that people can hear you and loud cursing is probably not appropriate.
  13. Suddenly become very thankful that the meeting was moved, because now you have time for coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Perhaps an IV drip of coffee?
  14. Realize that it in less than 10 hours (depending on traffic) you will be hanging out with Liz. Very exciting! Hopefully she does not mind if you have no pants.


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3 responses to “How not to prepare for a trip: A step-by-step guide.

  1. This is indeed an excellent how-not-to list. But it was very funny! I say no pants = great excuse for shopping. Have a great trip 🙂

  2. -R-

    Good friends love you, even when you’re pants-less.

  3. This is so the story of my life. A lot of running around and packing a skirt but no matching shirt save for a see through sweater and no tweezers so then your eyebrows start their own commune. And don’t get me started on what my hair looks like without product because the product didn’t have a 3oz container. I could go on but then you’d know just how ridiculous I can be.

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