Somewhat deep thoughts

I’m not sure what to write here today… I think I need to say something about the tragedy that is all over the news, so I guess I’ll just say that I was kind of glued to the TV this morning. When something like this happens, there always seems to be an element of “Wow that could really happen anywhere” mixed with “I can’t imagine what they’re going through.” While I’ve certainly never had any experience with something like this, my heart does go out to them – college is supposed to be a time of freedom and independence, and it must be a terrible shock to have those feelings, and your friends and classmates ripped away so suddenly.

Along somewhat similar lines, I really wanted to write about something else, but I’m not sure how to do it. Bear with me.

Last night Matt was exhausted and fell asleep before 8pm. Normally I don’t use the computer much at home but with him asleep I started shopping online for some b-day presents for him. Eventually I started clicking through some of my favorite blogs, and to make a long story short I clicked from here to here to here. And then I ended up crying in front of the computer.

Although I can’t find it right now, I think I wrote briefly about my boss and cancer. She beat it, after surgery and 6 months of chemo, but when I read about Snickolett’s husband I remembered how helpless I felt when she told me she had been diagnosed. J is one part boss, one part mentor, and in some ways one part mom to me – she is an amazing lady and it was hard to watch her quietly excuse herself from meetings because she was feeling so sick, or joke about the side effects of the chemo, or wait for test results. It was hard to know what to say and what not to say… say too much and you’re prying and/or bring things up that she doesn’t want to think about… don’t say anything and you risk seeming callous.

Funny how these things affect us… I guess I didn’t realize how strongly I felt until I was sitting in front of the computer last night. I’m so glad that she’s healthy and doing well, but these types of things always serve as a reminder that anything can happen. The best we can do is try to live the best lives that we can, be prepared for what comes, and not let our fear of the unknown rule us. It would be so easy to succumb to anxiety about “what if” – and in fact I find myself doing that far too often – but is a life lived in fear really worth it? I don’t think so.

This isn’t the type of thing that I usually like to write about here because I don’t think that I do these topics justice. I struggle to form my thoughts and to express them in a meaningful way. But I guess today I didn’t need to be well-written and meaningful – I just needed to get this off my chest.

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2 Comments

Filed under Deep Thoughts

2 responses to “Somewhat deep thoughts

  1. -R-

    Don’t sell yourself short. This was well-written. It is ok to be serious some times and share your feelings!

  2. jen

    Hey. This is what this is here for. If you cant be you, then we dont want to read it.
    Its crazy being an adult, huh? I remember never knowing anyone that was “sick”. You remember those days? No one sick, no one getting shot…
    Then all of the sudden, it seems like everysingle person you know has cancer. Sucks, man.
    My mother just finished up treatment. She’s doing well, and I just never had that feeling of This is The End in the pit of my stomache. BUT, when a colleague of mine found out he had cancer in his kidney? I broke down like nobody’s business. He is an older man, and I love him like I dont know like what…He is doing okay too.
    Anyway. You are 100% right. We all need to live like we dont have a tomorrow. No regrets and lots of love.

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