My ass is grass…

Or maybe not so much grass as fat. Yes, that’s what I meant to say.

Some  other  folks  have written recently about weight loss woes, and while I swore I wouldn’t join in… Hello, Bandwagon!

[Side note: Really? Unless you people have been doing some SERIOUS Photoshop work to your pictures… you have nothing to worry about. Emily is adorable and in no way looks like she just had a baby a mere 5 months ago. Linda is beautiful and gives awesome product reviews. Zoot is an amazing athlete and is cute even when she talks about ass sweat. But enough about you – this is about my fat ass.]

And can I just preface this by saying that you’re probably going to be pissed off at me by the end of this post. That is because you will be thinking to yourself: Holy shit, this chick has NO WILLPOWER. Maybe if she would start exercising and stop eating junk food, she could just quit her bitching.

Anyway. You were warned.

I like junk food. For many years, I could eat a lot of it with no ill effects to my pants’ buttons. My metabolism probably slowed down a little bit in college, but I got more exercise, because I probably walked about 5 miles a day going to work, class, etc. I was always able to maintain a decent figure – not rail thin, but I could comfortably wear a size 6 or 8.

Then, a few things happened. First, I started dating Matt. This meant that I started eating even more crappily than before, because we ate out a lot and didn’t eat decent things even when we didn’t eat out. Second, we discovered that wine didn’t have a be a one night a week kind of thing. Then, I got a job that left me sitting at a desk for most of the day.

These things combined and steadily over the last… maybe 2 years? my weight has increased. At first I didn’t really notice. Then I had to buy new pants (size 10 or 12). Then I saw myself in some pictures and was really unhappy. [Also, I know that size 10 or 12 is not that big. I’m kinda disproportionate though so my hips/ass/thighs region looks really huge.]

So, last summer, I decided that enough was enough. I started using this website to track what I was eating. I lost 10 pounds [on a side note, this put me in an awkward stage where my old pants still didn’t fit but my new ones were kind of baggy and weird] which, YAY! But then I kind of fell off the wagon. I think I’ve only gained 3 pounds or so back… but still. I want to get back to where I was a few years ago. This is where the willpower, or COMPLETE LACK THEREOF, comes in.

I’m kind of hoping that by putting this out there, it will help to keep me motivated and on top of this. Also, I read somewhere that if you can understand what is causing you to cheat and fail, then you can control it. So:

Problems I will probably face:

1) I hate to exercise.

Sorry. It’s true. I hate it. I can think of 1957825789274317804789243 things that I would rather spend my time doing. Also, I can’t find a good time to do it. There really is no logical reason why I can’t get up earlier in the mornings to work out. Except that when the alarm goes off, all I can think is, “Snooze button. Come to Mama.” After work is tough because I NEVER leave on time. I am frequently here until 7 or 8 and when that happens the last thing I want to do it go home and work out.

2) I don’t really eat healthy food.

At work, for lunch, it is much more tempting to grab a grilled cheese and french fries than something healthy. I also don’t really like a lot of foods, so it makes my options kinda limited.

At home, it’s even worse, because we really don’t eat many different things. My options are to a) eat what Matt cooks for us, b) cook something just for myself, or c) starve. While I’m sure that missing  a few meals wouldn’t kill me, I do like to eat dinner. And I just can’t seem to convince myself not to eat what he cooks. Especially when what he cooks is a yummy yummy pizza.

3) I have issues with portions

When the caf at work gives me a sandwich the size of my head, I will eat it. Even though I do not need to eat a sandwich the size of my head to feel full.

4) If it is there, I will eat it

Case in point: there are Girl Scout Cookies sitting outside of my cube. I’m not hungry AT ALL. So why do I feel a desperate need to eat one??

5) I eat out of habit

Even if I’m not hungry, I feel programmed to eat at certain times of day.

Whew. Now that those are out of the way, here are some ways that I am going to fix those problems:

1) Small portions are my friend

I used to be really good about not eating any more once I was full. My friends actually made fun of me CONSTANTLY about never finishing a meal. I need to get back to that idea and remember that starving children don’t mind if I don’t finish a meal as long as I save the leftovers for later.

2) No more empty calories

This includes soda and stupid snacks left around the office. I don’t even really like these things so theoretically this should be easy.

3) Know when to splurge

I can still have whatever I want – but only once in a while. This also kind of goes back to portion control since it will also help me to eat what I want but only a little bit of it.

4) Find a way to exercise

I’m going to try going the morning route. Not really sure how it will work out, but I need to do SOMETHING. When I lost that 10 pounds before, I was making a HUGE effort to leave work on time so that I could get home and work out. It was OK – but I’m not sure that it’s doable over the long term. I’ll end up having a week where I HAVE to stay late and then I won’t be able to get back to it.

I’ll keep you posted on how this goes. Really, this is all about me. It’s about me wanting to wear my old clothes and being able to shop for new ones in my old size. It’s about me feeling confidant and it’s about me being healthy. And as nervous as I am about posting this, because what if it doesn’t work and I end up as nothing but FAILURE in the eyes of the Internet… that’s something I’ll have to live with.

It’ll be worth it if WHEN I can fit into my old pants.



Filed under Project Old Pants

3 responses to “My ass is grass…

  1. Jen

    You go girl!!

  2. -R-

    Sounds like a good plan. I have gained weight in the last year, and I recently saw a picture of myself that made me so embarrassed about my size. And yet, I still am not eating much better. I need to have a plan like you!

  3. One thing that has helped me is weighing myself every day. I used to think that scales were the devil and I never owned one. And I gained a lot of weight without realizing it. But weighing myself every day means that I can be happy when I’ve lost weight, but never gain enough between weighing to get seriously depressed. And I can get back on track before it gets out of hand. You just have to skip the days when you know that your friend PMS has added a few water pounds.

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