Phone Conversation with my Doctor

Me: So I’ve had a migraine for 4 days and it only goes away when I take a bunch of medicine.

Dr: How much medicine have you taken?

Me: Ummmm… probably more than I am supposed to.

Dr: How much?

Me (Evasive): Do you want a total? Or by day?

Dr (Fearful): Tell me how much you have taken each day.

Me (Dividing everything by 2): Well on Tuesday I took 4 Advil and 200mg of Imitrex, and then on Wednesday I took 3 Excedrin, 4 Advil, and 200mg of Imitrex, and then on Thursday I took 100mg of Imitrex and 6 Advil, and then today I took 150mg of Imitrex and 2 Advil.

Dr: Oh.

Me: But maybe if doesn’t count as much since I threw up most of it???

Dr (Resigned): Oh dear.

Me: So what do I do now?

Dr: Well, have you had any numbness?

Me: No.

Dr: Can you speak normally?

Me: Duh, I’m talking to you, aren’t I? I mean, yes.

Dr: Are you bleeding from your ears?

Me: What would you do if I said yes??? NO. I have a damn headache. Am not dying. Although it kind of feels like it so could get a move on here??

Dr: So I’m going to prescribe Unpronounceable Drug.

Me: Oh yeah? What does it do? Are there side effects? Will it make me throw up???? BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE THROWING UP.

Dr: Oh. So I’m going to prescribe Another Unpronounceable Drug. It is an anti-nausea drug.

Me: So I stop taking Imitrex?

Dr: Nope. You take all three.

Me: That’s a lot of drugs.

Dr: Yeah, well that first one is kind of addictive, so don’t take too much of it. OK, hope you feel better! Bye bye now!

Me: Addic… WHAT?

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1 Comment

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One response to “Phone Conversation with my Doctor

  1. Jen

    Ick and Ack.
    I hope your unpronouncable drugs make you better/un-naseaus (did I spell that right? I do not believe that I did)
    Be better. Migraines Bite.

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