Me: So I’ve had a migraine for 4 days and it only goes away when I take a bunch of medicine.
Dr: How much medicine have you taken?
Me: Ummmm… probably more than I am supposed to.
Dr: How much?
Me (Evasive): Do you want a total? Or by day?
Dr (Fearful): Tell me how much you have taken each day.
Me (Dividing everything by 2): Well on Tuesday I took 4 Advil and 200mg of Imitrex, and then on Wednesday I took 3 Excedrin, 4 Advil, and 200mg of Imitrex, and then on Thursday I took 100mg of Imitrex and 6 Advil, and then today I took 150mg of Imitrex and 2 Advil.
Me: But maybe if doesn’t count as much since I threw up most of it???
Dr (Resigned): Oh dear.
Me: So what do I do now?
Dr: Well, have you had any numbness?
Dr: Can you speak normally?
Me: Duh, I’m talking to you, aren’t I? I mean, yes.
Dr: Are you bleeding from your ears?
Me: What would you do if I said yes??? NO. I have a damn headache. Am not dying. Although it kind of feels like it so could get a move on here??
Dr: So I’m going to prescribe Unpronounceable Drug.
Me: Oh yeah? What does it do? Are there side effects? Will it make me throw up???? BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE THROWING UP.
Dr: Oh. So I’m going to prescribe Another Unpronounceable Drug. It is an anti-nausea drug.
Me: So I stop taking Imitrex?
Dr: Nope. You take all three.
Me: That’s a lot of drugs.
Dr: Yeah, well that first one is kind of addictive, so don’t take too much of it. OK, hope you feel better! Bye bye now!
Me: Addic… WHAT?