Speaking of evil things…

So all this talk of evil neighbors and how to fix ’em right with evil pranks will segue nicely to a something funny that happened at work.

My office is holding a ‘sneaker drive’. I have never heard of such a thing before, but apparently people donate their old nasty sneakers and then someone (Nike? I think?) melts them and uses the rubber to make playgrounds. This is how it is explained on the sign near the elevator. I think it sounds like a crock, but hey, what do I care what they do with my old sneakers. Personally I think Nike is paying some 11-year-old kid 13 cents an hour to shine those shoes up purty so that Nike can re-sell them at 80 bucks for the ‘vintage look’.

But that would be a very ‘glass is half empty’ theory and also totally not the point. The point is that the sneaker drop-off bins are not locked. So someone (we really do not know who) filled my co-worker’s cube with nasty donated sneakers.

I find this to be possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen in real life. But only because it did not happen to me.

Now, the co-worker in question is very nice and took the joke in stride – which I assume was the intended result. However, there are some, ahem, OTHER, cube dwellers out there (certainly none around here, nosiree) that might be taught a lesson or two through some clever office pranks.

Prank 1: The loud phone talker

How often to you look at the earpiece on your office phone? Often enough to notice if there was, say, toothpaste covering it? Before you put it to your ear? Yeah, I don’t look that often either.

But I will now.

Prank 2: The suck-up

You know the type – always eager to talk to the boss, have his/her opinion heard. Basically the biggest brown-noser around. We’ll call this one Joe.

What you do is wait until your boss is in a meeting, and then tell someone (NOT Joe) that the boss, who is in Conference Room 123, wants to see Joe right away. So, if that person sees Joe, can he/she please tell Joe to go to Conference Room 123. This part is important because it eliminates your direct connection with the prank.

When Joe makes it to the conference room, he is greeted with a room full of people (and more importantly, the boss) who have no idea why he is there and who want him to get his flustered ass out of there right away.

Prank 3: Just plain annoying people

This really only works if two annoying people sit near each other. Switch their phone cords so that they keep getting each other’s calls. It will take them a while to figure out what happened, and almost guarantees a lengthy phone call to the IT department. Let them experience some of the frustration that you feel with them.

Prank 4: The person who will not shut up about her pets/kids/family/spouse

Replace all the framed photos on this person’s desk with photos of embarrassing celebrities. Examples of embarrassing celebrities are New Kids on the Block, Englebert Humperdink, and Mr. Rogers. Bonus points if you can change the screen-saver, too.

Prank 5: Another for just plain annoying folks

The Clapper. Plug their computer’s surge protector into it. Clap every hour or so (or when the victim is working on a big report).

Oh, people. I am not really soulless and mean-hearted. I would never actually DO any of these things… I will just laugh hysterically at the thought. And who couldn’t use a good laugh???



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4 responses to “Speaking of evil things…

  1. Jen

    I cannot believe that you just called NKOTB embarrassing. I may have to stop reading. Whos next? Britney??
    You are in good company… I too am very mean spirited. I DID tell Emily to punch her old lady neighbor in the ovaries. BUT, YOU told her to ice the walkway…Niiice…This is probably why I like you.

  2. I actually did prank a coworker but only because he said to Vicki and me, “you two look like a couple of pranksters.” So he was clearly asking for it. We took everything in his cubicle and put it in the exact same place it had been, but one cubicle over. We went in on a Saturday to do this and I am not even sure how long it took us. We just wanted him to be really confused, but when he got there and saw his empty cube, he thought he had been fired. Oops! We helped him move his stuff back. But later also signed him up for several Britney’s Internet fan club and to receive information about Miss Teen USA. He never did comment on that.

  3. -R-

    I would have commented earlier, but I had to go out and buy the Clapper. That is the best idea ever.

  4. 1) NKOTB is embarrassing if the co-worker is middle aged and male. 🙂

    2) Lori – Britney’s Internet fan club and Miss Teen USA? LOVE. Am dying of laughter over that idea.

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