Matt’s sister called on Saturday with some very exciting news – she got engaged!!! Matt and I are both so happy for them, and we’re also excited to have another wedding to go to, because we are dorks and like wedding (drinking and booze, that’s what I’m talkin’ about). They are planning for July of 2008.
So this is all good, yes?
Can I tell you something? Something that I am only admitting here and barely even admitting to myself?
I, er, um…
I am a teensy bit jealous.
While, yes, I am a girl, and I don’t care what you say, ALL girls have had some thoughts of poofy white gowns and flowers and bridesmaids and any girl who tries to tell you that she has never thought of that stuff is A BIG LIAR… it is not really that stuff that I am jealous of.
I think what is making me jealous is that Matt and I are in a bit of an awkward situation – meaning that we own a house together, and we know that we plan to be together for the rest of our lives, but that we don’t have that official commitment that means so much. It’s a bit frustrating… and somehow hurtful, although I don’t know why I am describing it that way; the word just seems to fit.
I don’t know how to tell Matt how I feel because I think he’ll take that as me putting pressure on him. But I need him to start acknowledging that no matter what we call each other, even if it’s not Mr. and Mrs., that we are partners in life. Our lives are too intertwined for us to pretend otherwise.
I mean, I’m not saying that I don’t love diamonds and dresses and cake. Because, for the record, I love all of those things. I’m just saying that those aren’t the things that I’m pining for. Except for maybe the cake. I could definitely go for some cake right now.